goodnight goodnight

Goodnight my sweet girl.

Tomorrow would have been a day you woke up, alive, and 25.

Wow. That sound's brutal.

Happy Birthday my gorgeous girl, my forever young Alyssa.

I've struggled with a crap ton this year, for some reason, this one almost seems harder, perhaps this

next year it will get better?

I feel like it will.

I've worked so hard to keep you alive in my heart, your memory, your existence, your name

on the tip of my tongue all the time, I say "worked" because it has been a struggle, a balancing

act in a way....the whole trying to be here in the now but finding myself constantly dipping into the

past, to relive something...anything with you....my life now consist of "before Alyssa" "after Alyssa"

Geez Lyss..I will forever count it as a gift that the last thing you said to me was, "I love you"

25 years ago tomorrow I birthed you.. you were this precious innocent little ball

of squishy goodness with rose-bud lips and the happiest disposition ever. I remember thinking, If all babies are this easy, I'll have a ton of them.

My God....had I known that very day....the day you were born that I would have 22 years 4 months and 11 days with you...I think about that often...if we all knew the number of our days, how different would life be lived?

It makes my head ache thinking about it to be honest.....

I pray your voice never leaves my head,  I pray that your sister and brothers will always live

knowing that you left them with so many lessons in life, so many memories, so many gems to carry

with them throughout their lives.

This song makes me think of her........ Always has. I think I have listened to it almost every day since that day.