foggy.

today is the 16th.....for about twenty more minutes anyways. 15 months ago today sleeping beauty went to sleep, she never woke up. I can hardly even think about that, it's hard sometimes to wrap my mind around that idea. My girl got herself ready for bed, knowing that she had to be to work the next day, got into bed, and fell wide asleep. I never even got to tell her goodbye. I never got to make sure she knew that I love her. It would be so easy to be bitter, to be swallowed up in regret, or want vengeance, but it wouldn't take the pain away that losing her has clawed it's way into my heart. I know I will see her again, but right now, I want to see her. I literally think about her too much maybe. I have 4 other children who are alive and here, right now, I just can't help but feel guilty sometimes still even if I'm laughing or enjoying something. I have conversations in my head with her all the time, like, all day long. I told her today sometimes I think that I forget that I am still amongst the living. I get lost in thought, in listening to music, in lyrics, in crying, in missing and feel like in losing her I have become so much more of a loner than I ever was before. I have to remember sometimes that I'm not alone. I've lived 15 months with her gone, deep breaths, big sighs, heavy heart, I can do this. right?