we are family.

I had all kinds of emotions leading up to how this day would play out, what would happen, how would we recognize it. Nothing ever seemed to make sense or seem right, I almost felt like a big deal needed to be made but I just couldn't think of just what it might be that we would do. The day before I had been so sick I could even think about it, I think that was a good thing actually, I wasn't dwelling. I woke up this morning feeling so much better, I woke up missing my girl. I replayed last year in my head all over again, I spent the entire morning in my room, I spent the entire day with my family, different family members at different times but we were all together all day, we didn't do anything spectacular but we spent time together and honestly I think it worked out just as it was suppose to.

 I heard so many sweet things from so many sweet people, all of your texts and messages mean the world, the flowers and that delish refresher that you brought over Taylor...yum! I am so thankful for so many sweet people that have been with our family during this tough year. I feel like with this one year marker I am almost expected to be "over it" but please forgive me if I'm not. If it were only that easy, but honestly, I dont think its meant to be that easy, I feel as though if it were easy, nothing would be cherished, nothing would be gained, nothing would be learned, nothing would be made stronger, thru loss I have learned so much and I feel like it all happened as it was meant to and for a reason.

 My hope is that if in any way, I can be a help to someone else who happens to be going thru this same thing. I hope that I can be an encouragement and even just a tiny light in the dark path that one has to walk after losing someone. I am taking away from this past year many valuable lessons and they aren't really ones that I can explain, I feel like it's something that an individual needs to go thru on their own to feel it and learn it. Each person might take away something different from it. 

Today was day 365, I've made it for that many days without her, and honestly it didnt feel any different from day 61 or day 211 or day 3 they are all days Im here and she isn't and rather than sit and count the days that Im here and she isn't, I'd like to just live them, knowing that she knew how very much I loved her and how very much I loved the 22 years 4 months and 11 days that she was here. She's still here though, shes all over the place. In her drawings, her writings, in her siblings, when I look at Nico, when I see Jack, she's here. 

 Thank you again to every single one of you souls who have been there for us.