bird of sorrow

I miss her. I dont think this is easy. I keep waiting for things to feel easier, and today, right now, it isn't feeling any different. I want to talk to her, I need to talk to her. I get myself so lost in thoughts of maybe she is still just in Big Bear, and can't get to a phone, but then reality hits and I remind myself, really, she would have called by now. I accidently called her cellphone number the other day....ugh. I wonder how it is that some have moved on already. The lyrics to this song make me think so much about how I am feeling lately. Hangin on, not leaving yet.....Im not ready to leave yet, this place that I am in, I feel like once I do...once I "carry on" then she will slowly fade away, and I don't want that yet. Im not ready for her to fade. I also don't want to be stuck in a sad spot forever. I can hear her telling me to carry on, to not cry over her, to let her fade if that's what it takes for me to feel better...but I'm just not ready. I wish everyone could have known her. I need my girl back. Someday I'll be ready to carry on but for now, I'm just not.

Hangin on.