on the floor

It's 3:10 in the morning and I hear I sit, not able to sleep. It seems as though Im having a lot of those sleepless nights lately, or maybe its just Sunday nights because last Sunday I was awake thinking about Corbin and tonight....it's Alyssa. She was all over my day this Sunday, just everywhere. Every song that came on made me think of her, she was mentioned a lot, Brenna and Marissa were sitting in Brennas room making shrinky-dinks which reminded me of when she was home and sat and made a ton of them while she watched Roseanne or The Sopranos, that girl was addicted to her two shows and watched every episode multiple times. She had a real thing for all things Sopranos the most, every time I see something in Italian, I can hear her saying it, her little voice, seriously, she was one to meet. Her sense of humor is so missed in my days, every single one of my kids is funny, they make me laugh daily but having one of those missing leaves emptiness, an emptiness that shouldn't be here. Oh how I miss watching her draw, I pass thru the dining room now and see Dominic sitting there drawing where Alyssa used to sit and draw, all curled up in the chair, usually with a pillow, blanket, a bowl of something to munch on and a pen, a marker, anything...I really can't explain the hole that exist in my life right now. What I wouldn't give to have some more time with her. I often wonder what she did that last day...not knowing that it would be her last, before she fell asleep what was she thinking about? Did she know how much I love her? Did she feel sad or was she happy? Was she hurting? Did she feel it happening? Or did she fall asleep...and make her way to dreamland.

  When the lights go down in the city, getting real low Settling in my room, I'm unnoticed When the still comes in through my window letting me go I feel a calm come over me on the floor On the floor Where the rats all come away clean there on the floor Where the children all stomped and scream straight out the door Well, I find myself on my knees begging please When the lights go down in the city and everyone goes To their room walking their trail to dreamland When the lights go down in the city, something is roaring I find myself waiting to believe On the floor Where the mice call shots in the corner that's where I'll be When the crickets come home and sing their symphony When I find myself on my knees begging please On the floor Facing the things I've done here on the floor Where the years have gathered and run that's where I'll be And I find myself on my knees begging please On The Floor - Brandon Flowers