everythings burning.

Guess what guys. It's December. Christmas #2 without her. I really don't mean for my blog to be a place of constant sadness, I really don't. It's just....I was sitting here listening to music tonight and thought how much this time of year was one of her favorite times. Where are all of the cut out snowflakes she loved making? Seriously, I could scream right now. I't not kidding. I've been super busy the past month and a half with client sessions and stuff and so it was a little easier for me to put certain thoughts on the back burner, and now tonight...I find myself sitting here listening to music and here she is. For the life of me I have a really hard time trying to imagine not speaking with her every again in this lifetime. Do you think its possible she can hear me when I talk to her? I like to think she's hanging around, under a shade tree, drawing, singing, imagining and smiling. I guess she doesnt really need to "imagine" anything anymore because where she is now....she's living it, she's seeing it, she's experiencing it. You know losing three people in my life in such a short time has really left me with something, a feeling that I can't even explain, it's not a pity thing, I think, 3 people who were in my life, are now with Jesus, literally with him, thats mind boggling yet comforting. I am so thankful that Alyssa is with my mom and my sister. Here is a song that Brenna sang sometime around last Christmas....so shortly after losing Alyssa.

first this too...this always makes me smile.



 

and for funs....a video Alyssa and Brenna were trying to make......

 

happy birthday krista

While sitting at my sister Kristas funeral, my mom who suffered from Alzheimers, looked across the room at Krista, and said, "I know that girl...I remember her" I feel like for a brief moment my mom knew her daughter, she remembered her and she cried, for a moment my mom remembered that she was a mom, she remembered Krista.

Fast forward to a time that Alyssa was home last summer, she wanted to go and see Krista, so we drove to the cemetery, walked all over the place looking for her....Alyssa found her she sat down next to her grave and talked to her. I remember she said, " oh Aunt Krista, you and I were kindred spirits of sorts" She stared at her grave and looked up at me and said, "when I die mom, don't do this to me, don't bury me, I don't want people to feel obligated to come and stare at a patch of grass" I told her not to even talk like that but really, that was Alyssa, I swear she always knew. We honored Alyssa's wishes and didn't bury her under a patch of grass, if she only knew there would have been no obligation to go and "stare at a patch of grass" it's something I would have wanted, needed to do for her.

Fast forward again....

the other day was Kristas birthday, however strange it might seem, I brought Alyssa and I brought my mom and the three of them were all at the same place at the same time again. it was bittersweet, it was peaceful. It was such a beautiful day. A beautiful day for three beautiful souls. I think they are all three kindred spirits...did you know that they all three passed away the same way? Their hearts beat their last beat while they were sleeping. How peaceful. All three of them are at peace. Happy Birthday Krista x



They will see us waving from such great heights.....